Un bebe peligroso!

Matt The Best Around Sully. Cover of The Karate Kid (Special Edition)

This news was not yet featured as a 20/20 segment, despite my insistence that it was "Earth shattering", but with hindsight it's often easier to identify key historical moments.

I am going to be a father.

Not like the father of modern medicine or father time, these positions have been filled, but one half of an equation that results in a child.

Naturally, "baby" has become the sole subject matter for my life partner, (the term is too good to be exclusive to gay couples). The expression of her one track focus on impending parenthood is reflected in every conversation through the day and the myriad of literature on parenthood invading the home. I understand the curiosity and desire for preparedness, but am really just looking forward to the years of free source material. I'm thinking dramatic comedy, but we'll see.

The first step on the road of humiliation that is life begins with a name. Pick the wrong one and baby Barnaby is doomed to be ridiculed, and/or start a circus. I am a big believer that the name gives strong definition to the person. This is why I'll never be friends with a Tad or take legal advice from someone name Brittany.

We don't know the sex yet, but I'm really hoping for either male or female. It makes picking names easier, and inventing a new gender at this point would just complicate the task of parenting that much more.

There's a lot of pressure to name your kid something unique, but too often this effort at instilling cool or ensuring individuality falls short. Much of the time it creates more social awkwardness than would have been necessary with a known, easily pronounceable name with an already accepted spelling.

If you name your kid Zayden you may as well name him Zayden Zayden, because for the rest of his life he will have to repeat his name to everyone he meets.

"Hi my name is Zayden."
"What?"
"Oh forget it. Bob, my name is Bob."

If you name your little girl Kate, but spelled C-A-I-T, then she will have to "correct" every document filled out by someone else and likely aid the reader of her name in completing the sounds, like teaching an adult ESL course at the community college.

We too want a solid name for the kid, but simple enough that it will fit nicely on a plaque or at the base of a statue. We also discussed names that could quickly be penciled onto a scantron, but those will likely be obsolete when he or she begins their major scholastic testing. I assume carving your name into wooden furniture or writing on bathroom stalls will remain in fashion for some time though, so at least we can try and make that easier for them.

The only trouble with taking the stance against fun and unique names is that we'll miss out on some real gems. I like the idea of a name that gives some sort of warning to those who have yet to be offered introductions to our son or daughter. For instance, I would be cautious about meeting someone name Plague or Hazard. Twins give a real opportunity for a one-two punch of naming genius.

"These are my twin boys, Clamor and Boom. I suggest you hide any fragile heirlooms or family pets during our visit."

Middle names are just where you stick the first name you were too scared to use or it's used as a family shout out, likely an attempt at currying favor from a rich relative. People dismiss the middle name too often but don't realize the chance it provides at giving the other two names some real meaning. "I'm David "The Fantastic" Smith, except they wouldn't need quotes because that would BE their middle name. Better yet, set a challenge for the kid, like a life goal mixed in.

"It says here your name is Joey The First Man to Travel Beyond the Known Universe Johnson. Is that accurate?"
"Well, that IS my name but I'm waiting on some advancements in space exploration before I can live up to it."

We are narrowing the list down and for ongoing details you can check Vanessa's blog here. I looked up some other baby names that were considered cool and laughed a bit to hard at some of the choices, especially in knowing that some parents somewhere are going to really use them. I assure you, none of our prospective names were in this list:

Orion, Taj, Clancy, Bowie, West, Bluze, Jenae, Cassarissa, Chouchie

I just saw the name Kai and, hoping it's pronounced like "sky", would make a great middle name. The first name of course would be Cobra.