Mall Thoughts

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Escalators don't really break. They just become stairs.

Well, I'm probably giving this gem of an idea away by writing it out for the public, but I'm starting to realize that all my dreams may not come true. Like puppies and adolescent boys, when I see something new I think about eating it or destroying it. There is an inherent joy in all of us when things blow up or catch fire, and a youthful giddiness sparks at the sound of breaking glass.

It is in this vain that I present "Destroy a Bear." Like it's weak and ridiculously benign brother Build a Bear, it will also be a shop in the mall. Right next door in fact. For every bear built we will destroy two, because we allow you to bring in bears from home, and we accept gently used donated bears as well.

The brilliance is in needing no inventory. We just have to make sure the miniature canisters of napawlm are full and the pawltov cocktail mix is readily available. Get the theme? I think demented kids and their jealous demented parents will enjoy the experience together. Take the family shopping, select a bear carcass next door, stuff it full of fuzzy vitality, pick out an outfit, then bring it on over next door for some quality assurance testing. If Bob, or Billy, or Buzzy bear survives "The Tiny Rack" or "The Acid Rain Chamber" then he gets to go home as a new member of the family, but I wouldn't go assigning him a moniker too soon. As a more expensive version of an imaginary friend I would appreciate the opportunity to test the might of my child's future companion of the next few years. I mean, when it all goes down, that bear may be the only shield that kid has from the dangers of the world, and if I know Paddington has survived "The Voodoo Parlor" and "The Hall of Stabbings," I'll feel much better about my kid's chances.