Daylight Savings Month

Yes, this is the typical Canadian child. 

So I decided to skip June entirely. I've moved it to just after December when I'll better appreciate its pleasing temperatures. The downside is the move really screws with my new years plans. Also, my apologies for any confusingly dated correspondence you may receive from me in my new future-past.

I'm looking to the skies feverishly these days, eyes peeled for storks, as our baby will be making its Earthly debut any day now. I won't have to announce it to anyone as I anticipate that the stars will align to spell her name the evening of her birth, but I suppose an email or two won't hurt either.

There's a full pot of excitement brewing at our house over the little one and, in an effort to solidify our family even more, Vanessa and I are now happily betrothed. I chose Canada Day to propose in an attempt to mark our time here beyond the baby we've made, plus I thought fireworks would make a nice backdrop to me on bended knee. To even things out however, in case my home country becomes jealous, I'm thinking of a wedding on the day of America's independence. Again, free fireworks for our celebration.

Without benefit of a picture I can only describe Vanessa's engagement ring. It's a simple band with an elegant slope when approaching the diamond. A small family of elves rotate the duties of supporting and maintaining the diamond as well as shooing any objects that begin orbiting it, unable to avoid its gravitational pull. The universe's elected officials are in talks over voting it in as our new sun, but I'd hate for primitive worshipers to start following Vanessa around town, so I hope the mandate fails.

Also, because Canada Day is July 1st and Independence Day is the 4th, I've declared the 2nd through the 3rd from noon to noon as Dual Citizenship Day. It's not easy being this brilliant. I hope generations of Canadian-Americans appreciate what I've done for them. I assume the statue honoring me will straddle our countries' borders.

(Image by connect2canada via Flickr)

Just a Little Something - Bathroom Necessities

Evergreen? Not when I'm through with it.

Part of the whole green movement has to do with conservation, but the bathroom is no place to be stingy. There needs to be plenty of soap, water, "Sunshine Cottage Daffodil" (or whatever alternate name is given to the poo smell cover-up) spray, and above all, real paper products.

This half ply stuff being used in public restrooms that is actually see through doesn't cut it. The idea is to use less but we all just use more. I spin that toilet paper roll like it's the Price is Right wheel and put together the biggest wad of TP I can. My level of cleanliness confidence is only as thick as the barrier between my hand and my bum.

Stop with the hand dryers! They don't work and I'm not going to pretend that they do. That's like giving a child one of those miniature tool belts filled with plastic tools and asking them to build your house. Prepare to be disappointed. The best end result I can expect from a hand dryer is to minimize the amount of water that ends up on my pants when I finally wipe my hands on them. My only wonder in all this is, if they made restroom paper towels big enough would I still instinctually take two?

Ride the Wavy Train

The terrible pants salesman leaves the village.

What is it about novelty transportation that inspires waving to perfect strangers? Tour boats, amusement park rides, and tiny tot trains all make for hands high occasions. Even classic cars or school buses tickle the waving bone for no good reason. Whether you're on or off them, waving to each other across opposite sides of these unusual transports is widely accepted as normal behavior. If I were to view the world during only these moments of enthusiastic greeting exchange, I would assume everyone knew everyone.

So why are these times the only appropriate times to be so joyful about saying hello to strangers? If I waved at strangers I passed on the sidewalk, I would be a wacko. If I said salutations to everyone in my row at the movies, parents would whisper to their children, "stay away from that man, and share those nachos with your sister."

In close quarters, friendly attempts at making an acquaintance is considered suspicious. People want to be friendly though. If someone you don't know says "Hi," a short mental struggle happens within. You don't want to interact with them in case they are crazy or just selling something, but you were taught not saying "Hi" back is rude. So, you say "Hi" back and listen to their sales pitch.

The best test of this knee jerk fear of incivility is to drive past someone waving and smiling, you in the car and they on the sidewalk. People don't have time to figure out who you are before they start waving too. Immediately afterward they wonder if they knew you at all, but it no longer matters. Inadvertently, two strangers were just friendly to each other for no good reason, and they didn't even need an ice cream truck to prompt them.

This blog brought to you by the Wave at a Stranger campaign.