Daylight Savings Month

Yes, this is the typical Canadian child. 

So I decided to skip June entirely. I've moved it to just after December when I'll better appreciate its pleasing temperatures. The downside is the move really screws with my new years plans. Also, my apologies for any confusingly dated correspondence you may receive from me in my new future-past.

I'm looking to the skies feverishly these days, eyes peeled for storks, as our baby will be making its Earthly debut any day now. I won't have to announce it to anyone as I anticipate that the stars will align to spell her name the evening of her birth, but I suppose an email or two won't hurt either.

There's a full pot of excitement brewing at our house over the little one and, in an effort to solidify our family even more, Vanessa and I are now happily betrothed. I chose Canada Day to propose in an attempt to mark our time here beyond the baby we've made, plus I thought fireworks would make a nice backdrop to me on bended knee. To even things out however, in case my home country becomes jealous, I'm thinking of a wedding on the day of America's independence. Again, free fireworks for our celebration.

Without benefit of a picture I can only describe Vanessa's engagement ring. It's a simple band with an elegant slope when approaching the diamond. A small family of elves rotate the duties of supporting and maintaining the diamond as well as shooing any objects that begin orbiting it, unable to avoid its gravitational pull. The universe's elected officials are in talks over voting it in as our new sun, but I'd hate for primitive worshipers to start following Vanessa around town, so I hope the mandate fails.

Also, because Canada Day is July 1st and Independence Day is the 4th, I've declared the 2nd through the 3rd from noon to noon as Dual Citizenship Day. It's not easy being this brilliant. I hope generations of Canadian-Americans appreciate what I've done for them. I assume the statue honoring me will straddle our countries' borders.

(Image by connect2canada via Flickr)

4-n aid

Image by K2D2vaca via Flickr

Well it's the 4th of July, America's birthday, and even North Korea is stepping up to help us celebrate our independence! It's a really sweet demonstration, launching ballistic bottle rockets out over the East Sea, though Alabama roadside stands carry stronger firepower.

It's not the first time they've joined in on the ceremonies but they have some large shoes to fill in regards to foreign congratulatory gestures. I'm speaking of the giant French kicks worn by our Lady Liberty. In related news, welcome back to her hat! After much anticipation people can once again climb around in the green giant's head though, as much fun as it is to play brain parasite, that's not what this day is about.

No, Independence day is about helping China's economy, buying up as many miniature American flags, pool toys, and explosives as possible. Through pro-American propaganda we can help circulate the dollar and yuan like a sparkling Saxon. But China is not the only country who will profit this year. Anheuser-Busch continues to be one of the top companies benefiting from Independence Day celebrations and, thanks to inBev's purchase of America's largest brewery, more US paychecks will go to this Brazilian and Belgian based company.

Make no mistake. I'm no poster child for patriotism and I don't check the labels of my shirts for manufacturer location. I just enjoy thinking a little deeper about the irony of situations like this. I'll probably continue to buy Toyota in the future but maybe just for today I can put a little effort into displaying my American pride.

I'll eat too much, express an air of undeserved superiority, and maybe drive home intoxicated, but if I'm drunk on Yuengling the cops are sure to be more forgiving. Anything else would be unAmerican.

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