Daylight Savings Month

Yes, this is the typical Canadian child. 

So I decided to skip June entirely. I've moved it to just after December when I'll better appreciate its pleasing temperatures. The downside is the move really screws with my new years plans. Also, my apologies for any confusingly dated correspondence you may receive from me in my new future-past.

I'm looking to the skies feverishly these days, eyes peeled for storks, as our baby will be making its Earthly debut any day now. I won't have to announce it to anyone as I anticipate that the stars will align to spell her name the evening of her birth, but I suppose an email or two won't hurt either.

There's a full pot of excitement brewing at our house over the little one and, in an effort to solidify our family even more, Vanessa and I are now happily betrothed. I chose Canada Day to propose in an attempt to mark our time here beyond the baby we've made, plus I thought fireworks would make a nice backdrop to me on bended knee. To even things out however, in case my home country becomes jealous, I'm thinking of a wedding on the day of America's independence. Again, free fireworks for our celebration.

Without benefit of a picture I can only describe Vanessa's engagement ring. It's a simple band with an elegant slope when approaching the diamond. A small family of elves rotate the duties of supporting and maintaining the diamond as well as shooing any objects that begin orbiting it, unable to avoid its gravitational pull. The universe's elected officials are in talks over voting it in as our new sun, but I'd hate for primitive worshipers to start following Vanessa around town, so I hope the mandate fails.

Also, because Canada Day is July 1st and Independence Day is the 4th, I've declared the 2nd through the 3rd from noon to noon as Dual Citizenship Day. It's not easy being this brilliant. I hope generations of Canadian-Americans appreciate what I've done for them. I assume the statue honoring me will straddle our countries' borders.

(Image by connect2canada via Flickr)

It's Earth Day...now what?

Gearing up for Earth Day Picnic 2010! At least there are no flies this year. The Image via Wikipedia

I have been informed that it is Earth Day. It was actually on my calendar so I have to believe it's true. I'm unsure what to do about it, and apparently so are many other folks. Google hot trends shows "earth day activities" as the top search right now, only six spots above "earth day wordsearch." Because the only real objective behind Earth Day is to raise awareness of the Earth's environment, circling environmentally themed words is sure to complete that objective. The only time I'm environmentally conscious is when I'm in a small but crowded room and I'm feeling gassy.

There is actually an Earth Week which ends with Earth Day, but I find Earth Hour is really a more favorable duration of awareness. I usually take the time to light a candle and surf the Internet for tips on saving electricity. Some think you should plant trees today, but I'm fairly sure Arbor Day has the dibs on tree awareness. If we keep planting trees where are we going to shop or fine dine? Maybe we can use the toilet less today or process less coal, but I guess then we'd have a bunch of coal miners doing the potty dance all day. Get back to work! I admit, I am at a loss of how to thank the Earth for allowing me to live on it or do anything to make it more comfortable during my stay. I already carpool and I grudgingly recycle.

In my poor college days, I thought recycling would be the answer to my monetary problems. Some friends and I consolidated hundreds of cans one summer (translation: we were drinking and throwing the cans in the yard until advised by the city to clean up the mess) and drove them to the outskirts of town for recycling, only to receive about thirty wet dollars for our good deed. A couple of beer runs later we had 48 more cans in our yard. I was sorely unimpressed by the three 'R's that day, even more so when I could make just as much money giving plasma twice a week. Giving plasma was just two hours of my day that I would have spent doing the crossword, only I could spout blood for dollars like a reverse gas pump. Had the Earth Day wordsearch been available I probably would have done that too.

To be honest I'm not sure that we shouldn't skip Earth Day this year as punishment. Every time I turn on the news the Earth is acting up. Floods here, earthquakes there, ...volcanoes. I say we give the Earth a decade long time out and give it time to think about what it has done. Bad Earth. Bad.