The Old Man and the Sea...of Ladies

Hello nurse. Could you take a look at something for me? Image by Quasimondo via Flickr

I'm having trouble concentrating today. It's so bad that halfway through my research on Ritalin I realized I was reading a blog about lawn maintenance. I often have a lot of things going on, and few things keep my focus for very long. To keep a level of concentration on any one thing I am forced to shut down other parts of my brain. I think a lot of men are like this, which explains how we can play video games for a solid 24 hour period and forget to eat.

Ritalin is prescribed for people with ADHD and, because it's basically cocaine, is helpful for those with narcolepsy. Though my concentration could use improvement, I prefer to reserve the option of passing out at will (I mean, uncontrollably). I often feign sleep, complete with snoring and drool, when someone goes on too long about something or asks me for a favor. Then when I awake, I apologize and blame "the narcoleps." Eventually, with age, I hope to shape this into a believable ruse. Combined with "losing my hearing" and "forgetting where I am from time to time" I could then successfully skip out on restaurant bills and parties I don't want to attend without being arrested or hurting anyone's feelings.

Doctors are using this methylphenidate to help with depression and recovering cocaine addicts, (basically just legalizing their drug use), but no one knows the long term effects. It's literally a wait and see situation. With the changes in diet, drug use, and technological interaction I can't form a good grasp of what our generation will be like when we senior size our citizenship. I'm seriously doubting that we will be respected for our elderly wisdom. With the advent of the Internet you don't need to ask Grandpa what it used to be like in the olden days. You just Google it. My only hope for the future is that pants on women becomes some sort of taboo or masculine imprisonment of womanhood, promoted by the Great Skirt Movement. I plan on being a dirty old man with some thick sunglasses and a mirror on the bottom of his cane. That is until actual X-ray glasses are invented. What's the hold up on that one?