Also, I invented fun. You're welcome.

My company recently asked me for a biography they could add to the website and various marketing materials. Here is my first draft:

Matt Sully was raised by wolves until he was six when he was ousted from the pack as being "too aggressive." Taken in by a community of bears he lived comfortably until the age of sixteen when procreation efforts created "too much confusion amongst the group," especially during hibernation periods when the lady bears claimed to be "too tired."

Using the mysterious medallion worn around his neck from infancy, Matt began his journey to find his real parents who turned out to be Mr. Wizard and a luck dragon. In exchange for his orphaning, the magical couple granted Sully with incredible good looks and intellect previously unknown to humanity.

Along the way there were adventures, treasure hunts, countless love interests, and general swashbuckling antics. Matt Sully enjoys seafood, pillaging, forcing additional entries onto the endangered species list, and doing the neutron dance!