Have a Nice Day.

He's so cute. I'm sure it will be fine.

My Special Lady and I went for a relaxing drive through the country this weekend. We took in the sites of harvested fields, romping horses, and unpaved roads that spit you out into small town simplicity. Naturally, my thoughts turned to robots and how they would one day wage war on man.

I don't often think about the details of the inevitable showdown between man and machine, but more about the process in which we gradually accept robotic integration into our daily lives. It's obvious to just about everyone that Asians will be the first to freely allow robot butlers and companions into their homes. They throw money at anything electronic. World acceptance, however, has proven a little more difficult.

Previous bold aims at robot befriending were directed toward children.  One of the first attempts in the eighties was Teddy Ruxpin. You jammed a cassette in him and he read your children stories but mostly he was telling them that it was okay to be best friends with something that has no soul. Its popularity waned but various backers have tried four different iterations of Ruxpin, as late as 2005. I have a feeling he will return again, with cuddly vengeance.

Ah, what could go wrong?

I was never as worried about the future of humanity until the late nineties with the release of the Furby. Robotic Gremlins?!? Do we just not value our lives at all? Furbies were tiny, which meant they could be anywhere. They were initially affordable, leading to the sale of over 40 million units. Worst of all, they learned English and they spoke to each other in their own language! Luckily these heart warming cyborgs lacked sustained interest and are also gone, for now.

Harbinger of Death

Toys like these catch on for a short time but only with a select and specific crowd. For the rest of the world there needs to be a more subtle and gradual amalgamation of household robotics to achieve total frightening ubiquity. For real acceptance and longevity these digital additions to our family have to be faceless and unassuming. They have to be something you can get used to and ignore, offer a service but not demand interactivity. What piece of technology will be the true pioneer for "a robot in every home"? I give you the Roomba. While Honda will ultimately benefit from actual humanoid robot sales (the Asimo), it is the Roomba that will usher in the dawn of iPals to destroy us all.

One day your Honda/Apple iPal will crush you, and as you lie on your floor, your body dying, Furby3000 will wheel over to you and whisper "u-nye-way-loh-nee-way" as your Roomba cleans up your blood. With your final breath you say, "In English please" and it will comply for the last time: "Go to sleep now."

Run as fast as you can.